What is BDSM? - Your guide to this fun and naughty way to play
BDSM, which stands for bondage, domination / submission, sadism and masochism, is a broad category of bedroom games / games that can range from mild to wild, depending on what each couple finds sexy and a turn on.
People who regularly practice BDSM in any form (or many forms!) Are known as "lifestyle lovers", especially when they interact strongly and socialize with other BDSM lovers, and often form a community of like-minded people who discuss kinky play and have fun. with other partners or couples.
The BDSM abbreviation can apply to many types of sexual play that fall outside the vanilla genre. Vanilla generally refers to intercourse in the most simplified way - even most beginners' kinky toys, such as polished handcuffs or a silk-blind blindfold. Yes, that means if you have ever blindfolded your partner, or used handcuffs to tie their hands over your head, you have engaged in a light version of BDSM.
Some couples actually enjoy the full Hollywood-style dungeon, complete with a St. Andrews Cross in wood, also called X-cross, X-frame or saltire cross, where they tie their partner like a scattered eagle while anxiously waiting for the endorphin-triggering whip. BDSM is associated with negotiation and consent, and the sexual variations can vary wildly from couple to couple.
BDSM and consent
When couples practice active consent, it means that they never attempt a sexual act without asking first, and that they listen closely to their partner during sex, in case something that usually feels good is going to feel bad.
In BDSM, part of practicing consent involves negotiating the terms of the sexual encounter before taking off any clothes and lighting candles.
These negotiated rules can be as firm as, "I do not like to be slapped, please do not hit me on any part of my body," or someone may decide to try certain activities with the option to stop the scene if they becomes uncomfortable, either physically or mentally, as “Sometimes I like to be penetrated with big sex toys, but I have never tried vaginal fisting before. Go slow, use lots of lubricant and I'll tell you to stop if I do not like it. ”
Because exciting, consensual BDSM can take many forms, let's look at some common aspects of this often misunderstood sexual niche that interrupt all the scary and untrue stories you've probably heard over the years. Once you get past the rumors, you open up your partnership for a whole lot of kinky fun!
Many couples agree on a SafeWord a password that sets the limit or willingness to continue but below a reduced intensity level. SafeWords in BDSM falls under the philosophy of Safe, Sane and Consensus.
What is Bondage?
A bound woman is probably what immediately pops up in your mind when you think of BDSM. The B stands for Bondage, and it undeniably plays a huge role in most playbooks.
Bondage can range from a loosely tied tie around the wrists to these gorgeously intricate Shibari rope designs that you may have seen on the internet.
The most common example of bondage play is to tie or be tied.
If you are new to bondage, start simple with silk ribbons, easy-releasing handcuffs or super-soft ropes. If you both want more and want to make art with your rope work, you need to get in touch with a professional rigger - someone who has had many years of experience in securely tying and with a working knowledge of how anatomy plays into the whole thing.
If done incorrectly, super-tight or otherwise body-flexing bondage can cause serious personal injury and prolonged nerve damage. We recommend that you stay away from the harder stuff until you really know what you are doing and have been advised by someone with experience.
What is Domination & Submission?
The big D in BDSM stands for Domination, Dominance translated into Danish, it is one of the central aspects of kinky play.
As you may have guessed, a person who identifies as a sexual dominant - called a Judgment written with a capital D linguistically - likes to be the person in power in the bedroom.
S stands for Submission, and these people like to be on the receiving end of dominance. A Submissive - also briefly called "subs" - simply enjoys a partner who enjoys being on top and, for example, tying their hands to bedposts, the bed rail and the like.
Others need something more extreme to be turned on, such as participating in breathing games or being bent and beaten. Dominants can be just as expansive in their play preferences, and their favorite sex acts can range from using sex toys on their partner while writhing in ecstatic orgasm, or tight-fitting wrists and ankles all the while getting a proper ride.
No matter how dominant and submissive partners choose to play, consent, and proper communication underscore everything that goes on from the moment both people decide that their play session, often called a "scene," begins. The key is only to participate in BDSM play with a partner you can trust so you can feel comfortable. Communication is important and the partner must know and respect exactly how you feel throughout the process.
Switch during BDSM
Not everyone feels attracted to just one category of BDSM identity. Many switch back and forth between dominant and submissive roles, and thus the basic term "switch".
For monogamous kinky couples, partners will swap bedroom roles depending on the day of the week, how they are currently feeling, or sometimes all within a single sex round. For polyamorous couples or couples in open relationships, switches can benefit from performing different BDSM roles with different partners based on their individual sexual chemistry and preferences.
What are Sadism and Masochism?
Here you can assume that things will get scary, but remember again that nothing bad can happen when you play with a partner who listens to your needs and thinks about your well-being.
A sadist - usually the dominant partner - feels sexually aroused by watching their partner whimper and writhe in pain, from the metallic bite of a Whartenberg wheel or a cracking paddle.
A masochist - played by the sudmissive (submissive) - turns on to get such intense actions done against them.
Like any other part of BDSM, the level of discomfort or pain inflicted is predetermined by both Dom and sub before the game itself begins. Milder forms of masochism and sadism can involve tickling, using a vibrator to tease your partner while tied up, or scraping them lightly with your nails. More extreme forms can involve intense tickling until your partner begs you to stop, turn the vibrator up to its highest setting and 'force' your partner to orgasm until exhaustion or scrape your partner's back until you draw blood.
impact play
A popular part of BDSM is impact play, which is a beautiful term for spanking and slapping.
Impact play in BDSM is another term for spanking and slapping.
Impact play can be turned up and down, depending on what feels good. There is a reason why spanking feels good, besides making you feel like a naughty and naughty schoolboy. When you are slapped on a part of your body, whether lightly or forcefully, blood rises to the surface of the skin, which then intensifies any kind of touch that is applied afterwards.
To test this fun little theory, give yourself a light (or hard, if you prefer) slap on your arm or leg a few times, let the blood flow into the area, and then use something tactile, like a feather or a hairbrush. , to drag over the affected area. It now feels pretty amazing and sensitive, right? If you are not a big fan of typical spanking fantasies, you can still use this aspect of BDSM play to add another dimension to your sexual sensations. Only the imagination sets limits here!
Research, learn & listen
You may not find these terms so specific to BDSM alone, but they are the most important parts to keep all partners safe while exploring this exciting world and new addition to your sex life.
Even with the best of intentions, BDSM can return to a scary Hollywood scenario if you become overconfident about your abilities. Before you and your partner participate in BDSM games, you can surf the internet for real-life advice on how to safely get started in this new exciting kinky world.
And most importantly: never get so involved in a scene you forget to check in with your partner. Always make sure they feel excited, comfortable and safe!
Communication and consent should always be at the forefront of your BDSM game.
There is absolutely nothing wrong in enjoying BDSM in any way. A single look around the Internet will tell you that it is one of the most popular ways in the world to spice up your sex life! When practiced properly with consent and a lot of love, this incredibly diverse sexual universe can open your partnership to an incredible connection and deeper appreciation of your partner.
Get started exploring the exciting BDSM universe today!